Why coming out matters (South Bend mayor)

Yep, he knows what he’s talking about – I could say many of the same things about my life and experiences:
(And he is [or has] a great writer, too!)

“I was well into adulthood before I was prepared to acknowledge the simple fact that I am gay. It took years of struggle and growth for me to recognize that it’s just a fact of life, like having brown hair, and part of who I am.

… I’m not used to viewing this as anyone else’s business.

But it’s clear to me that at a moment like this, being more open about it could do some good. For a local student struggling with her sexuality, it might be helpful for an openly gay mayor to send the message that her community will always have a place for her. And for a conservative resident from a different generation, whose unease with social change is partly rooted in the impression that he doesn’t know anyone gay, perhaps a familiar face can be a reminder that we’re all in this together as a community.

Whenever I’ve come out to friends and family, they’ve made clear that they view this as just a part of who I am. Their response makes it possible to feel judged not by sexual orientation but by the things that we ought to care about most, like the content of our character and the value of our contributions.

Being gay has had no bearing on my job performance in business, in the military, or in my current role as mayor. It makes me no better or worse at handling a spreadsheet, a rifle, a committee meeting, or a hiring decision. …

We’re moving closer to a world in which acceptance is the norm. This kind of social change, considered old news in some parts of the country, is still often divisive around here. But it doesn’t have to be. We’re all finding our way forward, and things will go better if we can manage to do it together. … we have an opportunity to demonstrate how a traditional, religious state like ours can move forward. If different sides steer clear of name-calling and fear-mongering, we can navigate these issues based on what is best about Indiana: values like respect, decency, and support for families — all families.

Like most people, I would like to get married one day and eventually raise a family. I hope that when my children are old enough to understand politics, they will be puzzled that someone like me revealing he is gay was ever considered to be newsworthy. By then, all the relevant laws and court decisions will be seen as steps along the path to equality. But the true compass that will have guided us there will be the basic regard and concern that we have for one another as fellow human beings — based not on categories of politics, orientation, background, status or creed, but on our shared knowledge that the greatest thing any of us has to offer is love.”

South Bend mayor: Why coming out matters – South Bend Tribune

Edit: Changing all posts to “Standard” format, as the other formats look weird in the archive view.

Advertisements

#DistractinglySexy: Women Scientists and Systemic Bias

Women Scientists Are Tweeting "Sexy" Photos Of Themselves At Work To Shut Down Sexism.

Women get paid 83% as much as men.* That’s a 17% loss of female earning capacity (real jobs or real pay that women have lost just for being women).

So compare this ongoing, systemic discrimination** against women with a very few, very sexist men losing their jobs.

If 17% of men lose their jobs over being sexist and male, then that’s an interesting statistic.

When 17% of men lose their jobs over just being male, then I’ll agree there’s something terribly wrong.

That said, I am a white man who benefits from systemic bias in many ways. I sometimes say stupid, discriminatory things. I don’t always realise. I’d hope to be told what I’d done, and given a chance to change.

I recently did the Old-Young and Gay-Straight Harvard Implicit Association Tests. It turns out I have implicit positive associations with being young and straight. Which is tough when I’m getting older (and gayer!) If you’re interested in your own implicit biases, and willing to be disturbed, give them a try.

After missing a week or so of blogging, I’m trying a new strategy – less-than-perfect drafts! Let me know how it goes, or if I mess anything up.

  • Yes, I rounded up.

** In orchestral auditions, the impact of gender on assessment is 50%.

Impostor Syndrome, and Variations Thereof

I feel like I have impostor syndrome, or perhaps a variation thereof. It’s not about an anxiety that I haven’t earned my successes (what successes?), but it is similarly alienating.

When I was white, straight, cisgender, male, able-bodied, educated, earning a good income, neuro-normative, and fervently Christian,* I seemed to just fit in. I felt successful. Life wasn’t easy, but I felt like I always had a place I was a part of.

I’ve always wanted to fit in, to just be “one of the guys”. It used to be so easy. Now, I don’t know where I fit any more. Or what I should be doing with my life. I don’t feel like an impostor in my successes, but I do feel on the outside, like I don’t quite belong here. I’m not even sure where I’m welcome any more.

It’s not classical Impostor Syndrome: that I think I’m a success and don’t deserve it.

It’s that I have this life, and I don’t know where I am going. I have no idea where I “should” be. I don’t know my place in the world.

So what do you call that?



* This combination is like the social advantage lottery. To be clear, some of these things have changed, and some haven’t. But there’s no way I can do justice to the details in such a short post. Over time, I’ll write in some detail about these changes in my life. (You can find them by looking around this blog.)

Normally, I’d use the word “privilege” here, but I’ve realised recently that it means different things to different people. And tends to provoke very strong emotional reactions. So I’m going to try “social advantage” instead. It might help explain things, or it might not.